It's been a long time and I feel as if the gap in this blog is fitting. Honestly, I have been experiencing life as I feel I should be and have had nearly no time to write about it. It feels good, but at the same time, sad.
I don't know if there's any use in trying to catch the world up with me. So much has happened and I don't have the capacity to write it all. The basics are these: I'm in love, I have read many more books, taken thousands more pictures, and never know the difference between sad and happy.
Everything is coming to an end. I am almost through with high school and though the thought used to bring excitement, it now brings fear and sadness. I am leaving everyone and everything in less than six months. That thought is terrifying. So much so that I do cry at just the thought. I know I am following my dreams, but I worry so often about the outcome. There are so many what-ifs and I'm really not sure of anything. Boston is very far away.
While most of me feels this fear, a small part is still very excited. I made it in to Boston and Chicago, my art is going to benefit from this. I am going to travel and see things and capture the beauty that I see everywhere. That's what I want. I want to travel and see everything and make my dreams possible. It's silly to imagine such things, but I've made it this far on dreams and determination.
Aside from all this college talk, I want to talk about B. B is the most handsome boy in my world. I don't like to be any sort of a cliche, but unfortunately, we are the perfect cliche. We are creators and we got lucky. The world is ours for the taking and I like that. I like thinking that I have a partner in crime that I can trust even more than my girl friends. Sometimes we get in little fits where we throw real immature fits, and it is usually me egging it all on, but B usually knows just what to do or how long to hold out and my stubborn side hides away again. We're both stubborn, he's just practical. And if I am being honest, sometimes that practicality drives me insane. I'm too much of a dreamer, but I make those dreams reality. B is grounded and intelligent. He thinks things out and hopes more than dreams. I think we learn from each other. And I think that's beautiful.
In all honesty, I am a big mob of what-ifs and maybes and loves and hates and insecurities and beautiful things. I know that's how it is going to be for a while and I wonder how long sometimes. But wonderment is all part of the dream.