Wednesday

Honesty. Honestly. Honest.

It's been a long time and I feel as if the gap in this blog is fitting. Honestly, I have been experiencing life as I feel I should be and have had nearly no time to write about it. It feels good, but at the same time, sad.

I don't know if there's any use in trying to catch the world up with me. So much has happened and I don't have the capacity to write it all. The basics are these:  I'm in love, I have read many more books, taken thousands more pictures, and never know the difference between sad and happy.

Everything is coming to an end. I am almost through with high school and though the thought used to bring excitement, it now brings fear and sadness.  I am leaving everyone and everything in less than six months.  That thought is terrifying. So much so that I do cry at just the thought.  I know I am following my dreams, but I worry so often about the outcome.  There are so many what-ifs and I'm really not sure of anything.  Boston is very far away.

While most of me feels this fear, a small part is still very excited. I made it in to Boston and Chicago, my art is going to benefit from this.  I am going to travel and see things and capture the beauty that I see everywhere.  That's what I want.  I want to travel and see everything and make my dreams possible.  It's silly to imagine such things, but I've made it this far on dreams and determination.

Aside from all this college talk, I want to talk about B. B is the most handsome boy in my world.  I don't like to be any sort of a cliche, but unfortunately, we are the perfect cliche.  We are creators and we got lucky.  The world is ours for the taking and I like that.  I like thinking that I have a partner in crime that I can trust even more than my girl friends.  Sometimes we get in little fits where we throw real immature fits, and it is usually me egging it all on, but B usually knows just what to do or how long to hold out and my stubborn side hides away again.  We're both stubborn, he's just practical. And if I am being honest, sometimes that practicality drives me insane.  I'm too much of a dreamer, but I make those dreams reality. B is grounded and intelligent.  He thinks things out and hopes more than dreams.  I think we learn from each other.  And I think that's beautiful.

In all honesty, I am a big mob of what-ifs and maybes and loves and hates and insecurities and beautiful things.  I know that's how it is going to be for a while and I wonder how long sometimes.  But wonderment is all part of the dream.

Monday

15 Confessions of the Heart and Soul

So I have Facebook and, therefore, waste about half my life "liking" things about other people's lives. Oh the irony. Anyway, a girl I know was posting confessions up. Although they were light hearted and silly, they got me to think about confessions I have. But instead of posting them on Facebook and wasting people's precious time, I figured I'd post here for the ones who read.

1. I believe in true love. And any form of love, really.
2. I love my family more than anyone on this earth.
3. I believe in and love God, even if I do struggle with religion some days.
4. I think crying and speaking are the best remedies.
5. I have the hardest time leaving the past behind.
6. I think that most everything possesses beauty.
7. I believe that the work I do will someday be known by at least a semi large audience.
8. I believe that speaking your mind is the hardest thing in life.
9. I believe that hard work is the ONLY way to succeed.
10. I think that the world could use alot more accepting and loving people.
11. I think that people spend too much time trying to achieve happiness and not enough time being happy.
12. I think that the most creative time is late at night.
13. I think art and literature are two of the most perfect things on this earth.
14. I want to have a family later in life, but am terrified of that idea as well.
15. I believe that everyone needs to love and be loved.

Thursday

Days Like This

This will probably be an extremely boring post, as I live a boring life in some people's minds, but I just have to speak of what I am currently doing. I am currently seated on the couch of my new favorite Coffee shop and cafe. This cafe has the most beautiful and comfortable design ever. One of its walls is just windows, which leaves me happy. I have been here for over an hour sitting and reading The Great Gatsby and watching people outside walk by. Things like this just leave me in adoration of the human race. Everyone is so gorgeous and smiling or concentrated or sad or angry or whatever. I've seen it all today and I love it. Life is good, kids, life is good.

Wednesday

Running Fast and Getting No Where

Lately I've just felt like I'm not moving anywhere in life. And people tell me, "Well, maybe you need to do more things." I know that's not it, I'm almost overbooked. Ah well, maybe it's the end of school thing. Or something. I dunno. 

Anyway, I felt this way and decided to post up. I've missed blogging. I'm on break for spring and I've finally found a free moment. And I felt like I really needed it tonight. 

I was reading Brandi and Kelly's (the buenobueno sisters) and realized that the big dreaming part of my life has been missing recently. I remember at this time last year I had so many dreams for the summer and the coming years and right now I'm just trying to make it through these next couple of months. What happened to the dreams of the future? Have I really let myself get so busy that I can't even dream?? Maybe that's why I feel stuck. Because technically, I am. I'm not always roaming up in my mind as I usually am. 

So here's to slowing down and remembering who I really am and want to be---May I never forget again.

Tuesday

Lemonade

Life's been rough these past few weeks. And I've been trying to make lemonade with the lemons I've been handed, but sometimes it's hard when your tears end up making it taste like rain.

So I forced myself to make something productive from it.

rain

Sunday

Hello Blog

Meow! Hello, my dear blog. Sorry about the long absence, it's been a rough couple of weeks. Anyway, I don't even have much to post up right now, but I can't leave you hanging anymore. It makes me feel bad.

Recently I've been strongly inspired by dreams and ghosts. Just the idea of something so insanely complex and beautiful that isn't real life is wonderful. It's pretty much the concept of photography itself. I like the idea that the impossible can be captured through a lens as well as in a dream. Kinda makes me feel like a magician when I do something crazy and surreal.

You wanna know who one of the queens of the dreamlike photos is?? This {girl} She's miraculous and she's so young. My age or maybe a year younger, I think. Anyway, check her out!!

I want to post up all my work soon, but school's been so stressful and I have a huge essay due on Friday. So you can bet that's what I'll be working on all this week. But maybe sometime I'll get it done. Hopefully next week.

Much love
xoxo

Saturday

In 5 Years Time

No, it's not going to be a love story, like the Noah and The Whale song. Far from, I hope. Anyway--

As I'm cruising through my usual favorite blog reads tonight I come across {Alex Beadon's} post on who she hopes to be in five years. Alex is always super inspiring, as well as a phenomenal photographer, but this post really caught my eye. And the challenge to write one of my own just resonated. So here I am, thinking about who and what I hope to be in 5 years.

Calli Webb is a 21 year old photographer. She's not sure where her home is. She goes to school in Washington, but she's also tinkered around in Oregon and New York on her vacations. She loves all three. But what she is sure of is her passion for her art. Everything that she creates has meaning to her. Every single photo is a bit of her heart and soul laid out for the world to see. People have recognized her talent. Well, aside from the family and close friends that were the usual. But when she moved out everything just flowed even easier into her mind. All the beauty was more bright. Just begging to be captured. Calli is no where near being married. Yes, she's had boyfriends and serious relationships, but she's never found someone that replaces her passion for photography. She does hope to find that person someday. Calli is also a big source of inspiration to people everywhere with her story about a camera and a passion. And the fact that it doesn't matter what you love, just as long as you're not afraid to work for it. And it took alot of work to get where she is right now. But no doubt, she's proud of where she's been, where she's at, and where she's headed. She's hoping to get major recognition soon. She certainly deserves it.

That's me in 5 years. That's not where I hope to be, that's where I will be. I love what I do too much to not let it happen.